The Voice of Mom

Have you ever had someone accuse you of seeing your kids through rose-colored glasses? When you are trying hard to be the best parent you can, a statement like that can come as a slap in the face. It’s easy to go on the defensive when it comes to your child. As a parent, you want to believe that your child is the best student, the best listener, the best friend and the best child. But the reality is that everyone – from the youngest children to the oldest – make mistakes and do things that aren’t the best.

How does a parent be objective about their child’s behavior to ensure that you are doing the best job you can do in raising them?

• Look at the bigger picture. While one event might not seem like a serious issue, look at your child’s recent behavior and incidents as a whole. Is there a trend in their behavior?
• Consider the consequences. Aside from how your child’s behavior impacts you, it also impacts others in their life. Are the impacts negative? Positive? Is the behavior hurting someone?
• Listen to your child. It’s second nature to jump to conclusions or to tune out once you hear something that you don’t like. Don’t. Listen with an open mind and open ears so that you know what is really going on.
• Listen to others. You aren’t the only one with your child’s best interests in mind. Educators, coaches, other family members and even other parents do too. Listen to their perspectives and insights and it may help you learn more about your child.
• Admit wrongdoing and correct the behavior. Ultimately, the best thing you can do once all of the facts have been assessed is to call it like it is. If your child did something wrong, say so. Then work to help your child correct the behavior.
• Open up. There was a time when people would bury all the negatives and bad things about their families so that no one would think less of them. That is not the case anymore. These days, openness and honesty with your children, your family and your peers goes a long way in objectivity.

Again, no one wants to judge their children. But letting things go isn’t the best policy. In fact, it can negatively impact your child’s development by giving them a false sense of being able to do no wrong. Being objective is important in creating a generous, warm, productive member of society.